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On Marriage & Polygamy

*perkongsian dari seorang isteri pertama*

"It is a beautiful feeling to go to bed feeling peaceful and content, and wake up in the morning in a state of happiness, feeling nothing but joy.

Polygamy has brought much pain and heartache to my life, but has brought much good as well. It’s been a long tough journey for me, but it’s much, easier now. I’ve learned many lessons along the way. I’ve done...
and said many things to persons (in particular, my husband Alex and his other wife Carolinah). I can only pray that Allah (Great and Glorious is He) has forgiven me for those acts and I won’t repeat them.

Allah says, “O ye who believe! If ye fear Allah, He will grant you a Criterion (To judge between right and wrong), remove from you (all) evil (that may afflict) you and forgive you: for Allah is the Lord of grace unbounded)” – Quran Surah 8, Ayah 29.

What makes me happiest at this stage in my life is that my thoughts are no longer focused on Alex and Carolinah. That is truly a blessing.

I used to obsess over her, about the two of them being together and what they were doing.

Now my thoughts of her and the two of them are so much more controlled and don’t rule my life. I make every effort to turn all my attention to Allah. For being able to do that, I truly thank Him."
"...sometimes what makes marriages unhappy, (any marriages, polygamous or monogamous) is a total and utter focus on the marriage itself.

Marriage isn't all that we live for, though it is the corner stone of an Islamic society. The business of marriage is part of life's journey, not the reason why we live. As Muslim we have to live for Allah and we have to indulge in remembering Him often.

The s
weetness of zikr is sweeter than the bonds of your marriages. as He says, that Indeed in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find contentment"

The Prophet (S.A.W) "You are not a true believer unless you love for your brother what you love for yourself"

... If you know your husband is a good man, and that perhaps, your co wife also loves him as you love him, and that he also loves them and has to deal fairly with them in order for him to also reach Paradise (Jannah) then you should try and make it easy for him and not difficult.

Do you love your husbands enough to want Jannah for them? Do you love your sisters enough to want Jannah for them also? Do you want Jannah for yourself?

Be better than hateful towards your sister wives because the chances that they will also be hateful towards you are equally great. Which wife do you think is more preferred to your husband, the one that is continuously complaining and being hateful, or the one with whom he finds peace and tranquility? Be the peaceful one, and perhaps the other wives will learn to be peaceful, even if out of mere competition...

Remember, live your life for God, not for anyone else, and be dutiful toward Him and in fulfilling the rights that He has prescribed towards Himself and all of His creation, including your husbands and his other wives. Respect that just has you have rights over your husband so does his other wives. Respect also, that just has he has responsibilities to fulfill regarding you so does his other wives have similar needs. "


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