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| Kalau saya happy duduk lama lama bawah meja mama, acknowledge perasaan saya dulu , kemudian barulah bawa saya ke tempat lain ok :) |
Write this word on your hand. It’s a
magical way to connect with a child of any age, can ease tears and
tantrums and even prevent them. It’s a simple but surprisingly
challenging thing to do, particularly tough to remember in the heat the
moment…
Acknowledge.
Before you tell your child that it’s time to leave the park, or
remind him that the really cool truck he’s examining has to stay at the
store,
acknowledge his point of view.
Acknowledge your child’s feelings and wishes, even if they seem
ridiculous, irrational, self-centered or wrong. This is not the same as
agreeing, and is definitely not indulgent or allowing an undesirable behavior.
Acknowledgement isn’t condoning our child’s actions; it’s validating
the feelings behind them. It’s a simple, profound way to reflect our
child’s experience and inner self. It demonstrates our understanding and
acceptance. It sends a powerful, affirming message… Every thought,
desire, feeling — every expression of your mind, body and heart — is
perfectly acceptable, appropriate and lovable.
Acknowledging is simple, but it isn’t easy. It’s counter-intuitive
for most of us, even when we’ve done it thousands of times. Won’t
acknowledging our child’s wishes make matters worse? Won’t saying “I
know how much you want an ice cream cone like the one your friend has
and it does look yummy, but we won’t be having dessert until later” make
our toddler hold on to the idea longer, cry harder? Wouldn’t it be
better to dismiss or downplay the child’s feelings,
distract, redirect or say:”Oh, sweetie, not now”?
Our fears about an honest acknowledgement of the situation “making
things worse” are almost always unfounded. Feeling heard and understood
allows children to release the feelings, let go and move on. Here are
more reasons that acknowledging our child’s truth is worth the conscious
effort it takes…
1. Acknowledging can stop tears and tantrums in their tracks.
I have witnessed this many, many times. Whether a child is upset
about an injury, a disagreement with another child or anger over a
conflict with a parent, acknowledging to the child what happened or that
he is hurt, frustrated or angry can miraculously ease the pain. Feeling
understood is a powerful thing.
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| Kalau saya nampak sedih dan muram.. cuba selami hati saya..jangan nafikan kesedihan saya..bantu saya faham perasaan saya sendiri :) |
2. Acknowledging, instead of judging or “fixing”, fosters trust and encourages children to keep sharing their feelings.
Parents and caregivers have an enormous influence, and their
responses have an impact on young children. If, for example, we try to
calm children by assuring them that there’s no need to be upset or
worried about something that’s troubling them, they may become less
inclined to express their feelings. If our goal is our child’s emotional
health and keeping the door of communication open –
just acknowledging is the best policy. “
Daddy left and you are sad.”
I was reminded of this recently when one of my teenage daughters
shared her anger and heartbreak over a long time best friend’s lies and
betrayal. How hard it was not tell her that this friend is flawed and
that my daughter deserves so much better! How hard it was to just
listen and acknowledge the hurt and disappointment. As painful as this
experience was for me, I treasure it, because my daughter trusted me
with her innermost feelings. I’ll do all in my power to encourage her to
share with me again. (My daughter ended up resuming her relationship
with her long adored friend, having noted her limitations, and I was so
glad I held my tongue.)
3. Acknowledging informs, encourages language development and emotional intelligence.
Children gain clarity about their feelings and desires when we
verbally reflect them. But don’t state the feeling unless you’re sure.
It’s safer to use the words “upset” or “bothered” rather than jumping to
“scared”, “angry”, etc. When in doubt, you might ask, “Did it make you
mad when Joey wouldn’t let you use his blocks?” “Did the dog’s bark
frighten you or just surprise you?”
4. Acknowledging illuminates, helps us understand and empathize.
To state our child’s point of view,
we have to first see it,
so acknowledging helps to give us clarity. When we say, “You want me
to keep playing this fun game with you, but I’m too tired”, we are
encouraged to empathize with our child’s point-of-view (and he ours).
Acknowledging the situation and asking questions (especially when we
don’t know the reason our child is upset) can help us to unravel the
mystery. “You’re upset and look uncomfortable. You just ate, your diaper
is dry. Maybe you need to burp? Okay, I’m going to pick you up.”
5. Acknowledging struggles might be all the encouragement your child needs to carry on.
This is another scenario in which a simple acknowledgement can work
like magic. Rather than saying, “you can do it!”, which can create
pressure and set the child up to believe he disappoints us, try saying,
“You are working very hard, and you’re making progress. That is tough to
do. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?”
6. Acknowledgements instead of praise help children stay inner-directed.
This is as simple as containing our impulse to cheer loudly or say
“good job!”, and instead smiling and reflecting, “You pulled the plastic
beads apart. That was really hard.”
“Let your child’s inner joy be self-motivating. You can smile and
express your genuine feelings but should refrain from giving excessive
compliments, clapping your hands, and making a big fuss. If you do this,
your child starts seeking satisfaction from external sources. She can
get hooked on praise, becoming a performer seeking applause instead of
an explorer. Praise also disrupts and interrupts a child’s learning
process. She stops what she’s doing and focuses on you, sometimes not
returning to the activity.” –Magda Gerber,
Your Self-Confident Baby
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| Terima kasih memahami, menyayangi, mendorong, menerima, menyokong dan memuji saya dengan CARA YANG BETUL :) |
7. Acknowledging proves that we are paying attention, makes a child feel understood, accepted, deeply loved and supported.
Could there be any better reason to give it a try?
“People will forget what you said; People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
“We all need someone who understands.” –Magda Gerber
:)
Sumber: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/11/the-key-to-your-childs-heart-7-ways-it-works/
